This is Beautiful: The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufock

We're going to start something new this week.

So recently I've just been feeling down about all of the cynicism present in art and in the world in general. It just feels like no one is genuine anymore about what they think and what they feel, and while I think that you can get a valuable critique from being a cynic, I think that being earnest and being genuine also has it's place as well.

During my senior year of undergrad I took a Philosophy of Art and Aesthetics course, which was a great choice on my part. And every class would start with one of the students presenting something that they thought was beautiful and a short piece on why they thought it was beautiful. I thought that was the best, here's a piece of time carved out just for talking about something that's gorgeous and makes life better.

And that's what I'm going to be doing here, once a week I will be presenting something that I think is beautiful. And there's going to be no judgment, no need to defend it, no need to bring in philosophical arguments (but I may bring some in), just something beautiful and how it's keeping me going. Eventually I might expand and bring in other people's opinions on what it beautiful, but for now it's just me.

For this first installment in "This is Beautiful" is the poem that affected me a lot as a high schooler. It was the first time that I read something and really felt that it got me and my life on a profound level, and I've just been chasing that since then. And the poem is: "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot, which you can read here.

There's a couple different reasons why I fell head over heels in love with this poem. First of all, there's the rhyming of it. Each line flows easily into the next, I never felt like I was struggling to get through it (unlike many other poems from English class).

Then there's that kicker of a line "Do I dare/Disturb the universe?" which is at the heart of the meaning of the poem. Essentially Prufrock is scared to alter anything about his life, so scared that he does nothing, and in the end dies unfulfilled. If I had to pick one greatest fear that I had, it would be that. I'm terrified that I'll die and realize that I should have changed this, I should have done that. At the same time, I'm so scared of making any change. I'm nervous about what people will think, I'm concerned about my abilities. So I live with these two fears over me, constantly trying to strive above them and make a change in my life without having it be so radical that I upend my life.

I too sometimes wish that I was "a pair of ragged claws" so that I wouldn't have to deal with this. I'm not some prophet or attendant lord, I'm right at the intersection where I can see the option of change but I don't think I'm capable of it. It's maddening! I cannot "swell a progress, start a scene or two" when I am just a fool!

But then you grow old. And eventually die. Everyone does. And you can either do it knowing that you tried your hardest to carve a life that was "worth it, after all" or not.

So this is really a cautionary tale of what not to do. But the dilemma is so personal and nails it so well, down to the "it is impossible to say just what I mean!" line that probably every teen can relate to. I reread it when I'm sad, to remind myself that there is beauty out there, and that all I need to do is simple. I just have to screw up my courage and disturb the universe. It's as easy and as hard as that.

I'm hoping to continue this series on a weekly basis, so expect another "This is Beautiful" post next Wednesday!