20 Non-Bullshit Things That I Learned Before I Turned 20

I turned 20 today. It’s unfortunate. I can’t use my ripe adolescence as an excuse anymore. And no one ever does something in their 20s and is labelled a prodigy or anything, but do it as an 18-year-old and you get in all the newspapers.

HOWEVER this is not a post about how being old sucks, this is about what I have to show for the two decades I spent on this planet. And I know everyone and their mother has made a list like this, but they’re always filled with sappy junk like “cherish your friends” “you only live once” and whatever. What I’m aiming for is an actual list that actually gives advice and helps someone instead of being all touchy-feely (which means that a certain amount of sass is going to be in attendance so sit up straight! And let’s go!).

1.       Stop procrastinating! Like, right now! Need to get something done? Do it now! Always wanted to do a thing? Do it now! If you don’t get it done now it’s never going to happen and you’re going to be stuck watching Netflicks forever! Up and at em’!

2.       Organize and manage your time! This goes along with the previous one. Quit putting it off, get a planner, and get your life together! No, you aren’t going to remember that lunch date on Thursday, write it down somewhere and be consistent! Plan out your day so you can do everything you want! Don’t have enough time for everything? Liar, stop watching TV and playing Skyrim then!

3.       Get over yourself right now. You are not the freaking chosen one, eventually you are going to end that streak or fail that test or lose that thing. You are human, you are going to make mistakes, just accept that now and get it out of the way. Having said that, CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

4.       Simplify! I swear to the Powers that Be, if you buy one more unnecessary item that’s just going to sit on your desk for the next ten years I’m going to have a fit. Get rid of your junk! And don’t get anymore! You don’t need that new thing, it isn’t going to kill you to not get it, and you aren’t even going to use it on a regular basis! See it for what it is and be realistic before you buy it.

5.       You are going to be alone. There is almost definitely going to be times when you actually are alone, aka without anyone. Because they aren’t attached to you at the hip, obviously. Take the time to get to know yourself, because you are going to be spending a heck of a lot of time together.

6.       Nothing lasts forever. Enjoy the moment with all you’ve got because it’s going to pass and then no one will find the significance in it except you. And then everyone’s going to leave until no one even remembers it anymore. So you better enjoy it. Even if you aren’t enjoying it now, you’re going to later. Just remember that.

7.       Go to bed. Get sleep, you look like you need it.

8.       Stop worrying about everyone else. Odds are, no one cares about what you’re wearing today. If you just stop caring about what they think, your happiness is going to skyrocket.

9.       Don’t do that thing just because someone told you to. Think about it, consider it, and question it. There are enough mindless zombies out there that you don’t need to be one of them. Try thinking about your situation a little and wonder if it all seems reasonable. Everything everyone has told you is completely wrong, but no one ever believes me when I tell them that.

10.   Don’t follow someone else’s philosophy, create your own. Figure out your own ideas about life, love, and the universe, don’t become a parrot. Then you’ll only get crackers.

11.   Disturb the universe a little, it’s been far too quiet around here. Go out and do something you have never done but wanted to do, or something you’ve never done and don’t want to do. If you never try, you’re going to fail 100% of the time. So stick that on your resume. Learn about something new, try something new! Your only limits are in your mind, so why would you limit that as well?

12.   Just talk to people! If you don’t put yourself out there and have a conversation every once in a while, you are going to end up stuck inside with no one to talk to. Strike up a conversation about cats or cheese or anything, you never know what it will lead to. Doesn’t matter if you’ve never met them before or haven’t spoken in years, talk!

13.   You never know the full story. Ok so she did a thing. Did you ever think about why she would do the thing? Or what that means to her? Consider what the other side might be, realize that you have no freaking clue, and adjust your attitude accordingly.

14.   There are two things you only get one of in this life. One body and one brain. Don’t freaking destroy them.

15.   If you haven’t considered the fact that you’re eventually going to die yet you should probably get on that. Time’s a wasting, and it’s going to happen one of these days. Might even be tomorrow.

16.   Adjectives are useless. There is no “bad” or “good” or anything. Everything just “is”. So keep your opinions/descriptions to yourself.

17.   Shut up and listen. People are talking because they have something to say, so give them the courtesy of actually listening and understanding them. And the reverse, unless you have something really important to say, then just shut up.

18.   Remember what happens. There is no point if you just forget it. Keep a journal, write down what you’ve done and who said what, it’s all going to be fascinating later.

19.   Having said all this, stop working so hard and have a little fun. You do not need to be constantly doing something that you need to do or that will help you later or something. Take a break, stop and smell the roses a little. Find people lying in a field and join them. It isn’t going to hurt you.

20.   QUIT READING THIS STUPID BLOG AND LIVE YOUR LIFE