Endings Suck

The thing about endings for me isn’t so much that it reminds you that time is passing, it’s that people are separating and times are changing. Time passing I think is pretty good, as long as it’s passing while you’re with friends and people that you love. Then you’re getting to know each other better, and spending more time together. It’s when you separate that I get depressed.

I dislike being away from people, to the point when I was younger that reading sections of books without all the characters gave me some anxiety (but that’s pretty extreme). And I’m an introvert so I need space a lot of the time, but not knowing where people are and what they’re doing gets me anxious. Partly it’s whether they’re doing ok or not, but it’s also whether they’re all hanging out without me (mmm that social anxiety). And I’m really bad at keeping in touch with people unless we get together on a regular basis, so I know that there’s a period of no communication coming up.

Then there’s this fear of change. It’s stupid, life is change, just need to accept that and stop fretting about it. The problem is that life has periods of time with a lot of change and periods of time with little change. So you get used to one level of change and then it switches to another and throws you for a loop. It’s something I know I have to work on.

I had a writer friend a while ago who had this quote about how it isn’t so much growing up and changing that separates us, it’s growing separately and taking different paths that really divides us. I think that sums this up very well.