Turning 30

 I turned 30 years old yesterday! And I also got married on the same day! (I didn't plan it that way, it's just how schedules worked out.) Which leaves me in this interesting position here, as I have now been running this silly little blog for well over a decade, enough that I went back and reread the post I wrote as a 20 year old. Funnily enough, it isn't as cringey as I thought it would be. There is some good stuff in here, things that I still forget most of the time haha. 

On my thirtieth I don't want to do another little listicle just because those are so lame and such simplifications. And I'm just in a more pensive mood. 30 years feels like such a milestone and also I am still in a PhD program, it's wrapping up, but I'm essentially still in school and training for an adult job that I hopefully eventually get. I don't feel that I have read and absorbed everything I want to learn about and advocate for, and I hope that I keep feeling that way. But I certainly don't think I have wisdom to impart.

The past year particularly I feel like I have had to contend with the limitations of my body more than ever. I'm less physically able to do a lot of things I could in the past, and I've been trying to train more to make up for it, but it feels like I'm hyper aware of how I look and my body type. And I super don't love that. Since my 20th birthday I've also had a cancer diagnosis and had to go through that treatment, and there's been a worldwide pandemic. I didn't react to the pandemic particularly well and I still kinda hate myself for that. I haven't always been a great anti-racist advocate and I also hate myself over that. But we keep moving forward and trying to do better.

I am really hopeful for the coming decade though. I will finally get my doctorate and I will hopefully move somewhere that has more stuff in the area for me. I so want to get into ballet more and keep dancing. I want to keep creating. I made so much great art in my 20s and I don't want to peak here; but it is so hard to create as an adult. Especially out of school and trying to find community groups. It's so hard and I'm not looking forward to that but I know that I can't stop choreographing and acting and making! I don't want to give that up and I'm determined to seek out spaces I can do these things.

Oh and I'm married now. I'm finally in a healthy, stable relationship that feels good. And feels like we are on the same page when it comes to asexuality and aromanticism and what we want. It just feels like a comfy friendship where we will plan together and create a life together, and that is the ideal. Getting married itself was more symbolic than anything else, nothing is actually going to change, but hey it is nice we did that.

So yeah, thirties here we come. Here's to leaving my twenties behind.