To kind of go along with my last post, it is not only the end of 2019 but the end of the 2010s in general. I wanted to do something to wrap up the last ten years of my life, to think them over and see all the changes that I made during that time. I was 15 in 2010, so there have been a lot of ideas that have shaped my growth and development. I made a list of the top 10 and will now try to elaborate on them.
1. Postmodernism
Definitely my primary influence this decade. I did not see this word until maybe 2014 when I was just starting college and exploring philosophy and modern literature, but it took my world by force. To try and boil it down to its key concepts, postmodernism is the sequel to modernism, or the idea that progress and modernity are good things and that individualism is the key to interpreting our experiences. Postmodernism turns this on its head by asserting that there is no such thing as individual experiences, everything that can happen has happened and will happen again. So there's a kind of cynicism to this in that there is no point in progress and modernity offers no change or improvement. It's not a complete idea of this, but you get the gist.
I found postmodernism through literature. I was reading David Mitchell I believe, and he was turning the medium of a book/story on its head. I immediately tried to find more like him, and dove straight into this world. As a result, I would say that my college years and even afterwards were marked by me trying to find these common threads throughout art and experiences. And a heavy dose of cynicism as a result of all this. If nothing is unique, what on earth is the point?
2. Asexuality
One of the biggest events in my personal life was figuring out that I am asexual, hands down. It is unlikely that I'll ever experience such a paradigm-shifting event again on such a personal level. All of a sudden, everything about my worldview towards relationships and sex made sense. Coming to terms with that, coming out, joining a community all were such important events for me. Challenging the idea that "everyone has sex" or "everyone is happier in a relationship" is so important because the only way to have healthy sex and relationships is if we know that they are optional in the first place!
3. “The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T. S. Eliot
I debated including works of art in this list since there are a number of movies, books, and tv shows that have impacted me over these ten years. In the end I only kept this one on the list. I first read this poem in high school and it has yet to leave me. Now it never will since I have "Do I dare/Disturb the universe" tattooed onto my body. Whenever I am depressed or have just lost my motivation, I pull this out and read it again. Honestly I have read it so many times I can't help but hear it in my voice. If there is one work of art that defined my life this decade, it's this poem.
4. Feminism
I had a rough relationship with feminism in high school. I didn't actively identify as one, since I did not want to be seen as a bra-burning men-hating woman. Now I don't give a single fuck, men suck and I'll burn as many bras as I want. I would not say that I have an easy relationship with feminism now, just that I know a decent amount and should spend more time educating myself. Which is always going to be the case really, we can always learn more. The complete U-turn that I have had with this concept is primarily due to getting some education on feminist theories in college, but also just becoming more mature and thinking about the world more. Hopefully I find a way to continue my exploration of feminist ideas in grad school.
5. Genetics
This list came very close to not including genetics on it. It's just become such a big part of my life that I sometimes forget about it and that not everyone is obsessed with genes. But this is also an interest that only popped up in the last decade of my life! I started genetics research in 2013 after I graduated high school. This then continued into college and my work as a postbac. And now I'm in a PhD program focusing on genetics! I just am fascinated by genes and how they are regulated, it determines your health, your appearance, your kids, so many different things! And what with the development of CRISPR technology, it is a really dynamic and exciting field right now. I am very excited to see what the next decade holds for my research and genetics as a whole.
6. Adaptations of Stories
I debated sticking this within the postmodernism section but ended up keeping it separate. Since postmodernism asserts that nothing is original or unique, everything is basically an adaptation of a previous story. But within my life and interests, I have had a fascination with this separate from and prior to my interest in postmodernism. I have always enjoyed reading the book and only then watching the movie to compare the two. And I still think it is fascinating to examine how a story can succeed or fail as it is adapted into a new medium. A best-selling book will not necessarily make a blockbuster movie, it depends on how you do it. And sometimes the best way to do it involves altering the original material to the point where it is unrecognizable, and in that case what is the connecting thread? If I ended up in the humanities, this is probably where my interests would have been. I want to find some more formal way to explore these ideas, but that is very unlikely. Odds are it will continue to be a hobby and something I will constantly think about.
7. Choreography/Performance
College saw the rise of me as a choreographer. I was a dancer and an actor before then, but I did not get serious and really understand what I was doing until I started dictating what happened on stage for myself. And choreographing became how I saw myself towards the end of college, I knew how to create good choreography and wanted to push myself to create new and meaningful art. That drive fell away as I continued with my postbac and didn't have these opportunities anymore but I never really lost that drive to create exciting art. Grad school will probably involve my big return to this!
8. French Impressionism
This one is a little more out there and not something that I currently think as much about. But that does not mean that it did not have an impact on me and my development. I have to credit my high school French teacher with exposing us all to this kind of art, we watched a whole mini-series on it and discussed the works in French regularly. This idea that art could portray a subjective experience rather than simply what was in front of you was now forefront in my mind. Sure I knew that art could do that, I had never really thought about how or how that could impact a viewer. And impressionism exists in many other fields as well such as music. Debussy and Ravel are two composers that still inspire me. This was my gateway into thinking about philosophy of art and to creating my own art.
9. Writing/Journaling
Another factor that is not an obvious part of my life currently. But this decade I started journaling, just writing down what I did everyday and any thoughts that I had about life. I probably will never go through it all again but it's become integral for how I process emotions and reflect on my life. I also started this blog this decade ayo! It definitely is not read by many people (any?) but it has given me a platform to say what I want and put it out there in case someone did want to read it. All of this has only helped me with articulating my thoughts in words and to engage more fully with whatever subject I want to write about. And that has probably made all the difference in the world when it comes to my thought process.
10. Meta-modernism
Meta-modernism is down here to contrast the initial entry of postmodernism. And it has not really affected my life this decade, I only found out about it in the past couple of years, but I am hopeful that this will become the dominant idea of my next decade. If postmodernism is marked by cynicism and despair, metamodernism is the response saying that yes everything is meaningless, but we are going to be positive and find meaning in it regardless. Maybe there is no god, but we can find ideas that remind us of a god everywhere. That sort of thing. It does not ignore the meaninglessness of the world or shy away from it, but instead refuses to get sucked into its despair. This is a pretty defiant and courageous thing to do. Despite, or perhaps because, I am a horrible cynic I am becoming more and more convinced that cynicism and pop-culture nihilism are just taking the easy way out. To try and establish meaning is much harder and makes you more vulnerable, so to protect ourselves we suggest that there is nothing and make fun of those who earnestly suggest otherwise. I don't want to be that guy. I want to try and be more earnest and more positive in my approach. I have a couple of friends like this and I just always enjoy being around them since they are such a beacon of positivity. I want to be like them! I want to stop taking the easy way out and actually make myself vulnerable to my feelings and emotions instead of shutting it out. So here's hoping. The 20s are going to be roaring, emotional, and full of growth for me.
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