“Far From the Tree” by Andrew Solomon

It’s hard to distill this vast book into a few paragraphs, but I’ll do my best. Essentially, this is a book about the differences between parents and their children, and how that affects their relationships with other people and within their family. Identity politics and discussions of what constitutes an identity versus a disability are very much central to the stories that Solomon puts together, making it an interesting read about ourselves and different communities that we had no idea existed.

Each chapter is a discussion about families that share a specific characteristic. This may or may not connect them, and it may or may not be seen as detrimental by the larger society. Solomon starts with a discussion about Deafness and the Deaf community, which I did not realize was so robust, and from there goes into dwarfism, down syndrome, autism, prodigies, crime, transgender, and others. All of the different sections are primarily made up of stories about individual families rather than statistics and generalizations. The reader learns that there are a multitude of experiences within these communities, but that they all fall under these umbrellas.

Honestly the chapters could all be separated out into their own individual pieces and still stand strong, but instead Solomon decides to link them together with the insights that he gained along the way about identity, parenting, and difference. The first chapter discusses his relationship with his parents, and what it was like for him to grow up as a homosexual. The final chapter then discusses how he in turn became a parent, and his hopes and fears regarding that change. The effect is that the reader goes on a journey with Solomon, as opposed to seeing his results presented to us.

There is so much within this volume that to even begin to parse out some key points is to do it an injustice, it really demands that you just read the book in its entirety and learn what it has to say. I feel as though I have certainly learned more about the different people around me, but also about myself and how I cope with difference and how I view my own identity. I have never wanted to become a parent (and still don’t) but if I was ever going to change my mind I think I would be more prepared to accept my child as an individual and not simply as a product of myself after this book. And that is the greatest gift you can probably give your offspring: the ability to see them as themselves and not as who you want them to be.