Sunday, March 15, 2015

Sometimes I Feel Like Don Quixote

I have always been an avid reader. My family still makes fun of me for bringing giant reference books with me to parties and then sitting down and reading instead of socializing. And Don Quixote is the quintessential figure of a reader gone wrong.

The fact that I used to want to disappear, literally, into books when I was younger doesn’t really help. I would imagine my life in some other world and want to go there and picture all of my adventures. I used to think my life was pretty boring, for whatever reason, and I wanted to go somewhere exciting and dangerous. (To give context, I was also around the age of 10 and hadn’t thought this all through.)

Even now, there are still things that I see or hear that make me think of certain novels or a certain world and it really doesn’t help. Because how do I know that I am not Don Quixote in a modern setting, maybe everything I’m living is part of a book somewhere and the author is dictating my fate as we speak? Existential questions like this don’t really help, but it’s something to think about.

Don Quixote did end up regretting it in the end, which I always found really sad. He’s on his deathbed yelling about what an idiot he was, it’s pretty disappointing for an end to a novel that seems so whimsical. I hope I don’t end up like that, but then again, I always seem to think that so many things I do are ridiculous about 10 seconds after I do them.

But Don Quixote ended up being braver than all the rest while under his delusions, why shouldn’t the same hold true for the rest of us? Maybe we’re all capable of great things, we just have to be insane to figure it out. Ideally this wouldn’t be the case, but you never know.

It’d be interesting if someone did a “modern Don Quixote” story, or tried to find the equivalent today. It probably would involve believing that you are stuck in a love story or a worthless teen novel or something like that. Actually, maybe no one should ever look into that. Ever.

I’ve always had a special place in my heart for Don Quixote, I think it’s because we’re fellow readers, trying to make sense of the world and better our lives through books. And that line between sanity and madness is much finer than we all think.

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