This is a book that I backed on Unbound ages ago, and also kind of forgot about. It finally arrived pretty recently, and I’ve been so excited to dive into it! (You can see my name at the beginning as one of the backers!)
The book aims to look at asexual, aromantic, and agender identity through a decolonial lens. This is mentioned in the introduction and I think gives a great sense of the goals and scope of the work. I also think it’s noteworthy that agender is included here, some 40% of aces identify outside of the gender binary (based on recent Ace Community Surveys) so it makes sense but I have not seen an explicit discussion of it. I also am really into the poetry sprinkled throughout! It makes the book feel very different from other non-fiction books on asexuality/aromanticism.
Alright so there are different chapters looking at different aspects of the ace/aro/agender experience, the first is on coming out. And it is so validating to read about because it is something people who are out experience everyday. Hearing about the different reactions, or even just how queerness is something different that even requires coming out really reflects my own experiences.
From there it gets into attraction and I just really like the line "Dominant understandings of attraction are rooted in Western 'scientific' discourses that ascended through the burgeoning colonial world alongside eugenics." Because yes, this language has had a huge influence on queer experiences and it so rarely gets discussed. This also manifests through the specific focus and prioritization on sexual attraction, where that’s usually the only aspect of attraction that is shared (and the rest are assumed). The section on romantic attraction also talks about how specifically female platonic attraction is frequently overlooked and it is assumed that platonic relationships are stronger between men. Aesthetic attraction includes a good breakdown of how colonialism, racism, and fatphobia have all impacted aesthetic attraction and how that is entwined with eugenics as well. And finally, probably the most in depth discussion of intellectual attraction that I’ve read!
There’s a really interesting chapter on asexuality and how discussions on the internet have changed the definition of asexuality that people are using. I haven’t quite seen ace history framed in that way. It starts with a decentralized identity where everyone is using a slightly different one. There’s also just a comment saying something about how if all the aces got together they would just gatekeep the term to decide who can use it and who cannot and just… that’s the gift of prophecy right there.
The aro chapter covers the history of how romantic love being prioritized is a relatively new thing, and historically it has been used to separate out “civilized people”. Again with the racism and the colonization. There’s also a set of aro poems, which I really enjoy! This goes into the agender chapter, and just the whole section about how there’s an “agender look” is very relatable. I’m non-binary, I even got top surgery, and everyone assumes I’m a girl. It’s so frustrating. There’s also history of Christianity being used through colonization to separate out and solidify gender roles, using witch hunts to eliminate anyone outside of the gender binary. As a result, "What has come to be defined as queerness was thus separated from the whole of humanity through colonization."
The book ends with a conclusion, and in part of it the author states that yes they are asexual, aromantic, and agender, but that’s only when you look through the Western lens. Which is really powerful and highlights how all of the labels are conditional to a certain environment and experience.
This book isn’t long, it’s only about 200 pages, but I think
it’s a really welcome addition to the series of non-fiction books on a-spec
identities that have come out recently. It’s written by someone with all of
these identities and with personal experience in the field through both
scholarly work and running an a-spec journal. Even just the addition of gender
I think makes this pretty needed and groundbreaking. I hope that this brings a
larger awareness of colonization and racism and how those are inherently at
work in the queer/a-spec community.
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