This was a great book to read, not the least because the asexual/aromantic group that I run at my university was able to get Dr. DePaulo to speak as part of Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week back in February! She is such a cheerful, friendly person, and was a very charismatic and engaging speaker. I grabbed the book as part of preparing for her talk, and it is truly such an entertaining read.
The idea of the book is that being single is not something to look down upon, but something to celebrate! There is a subset of the population that actually prefer being single and are happiest this way, these people are called "single at heart" in this work. But throughout, there is evidence that single people are more stable, have huge support networks, and are really flourishing!
I think what was most interesting to me is that the single at heart community is made up of people who are all different sexual and romantic orientations. You can be aromantic and single at heart, but you don't have to be! Similar to asexuality, there are more asexuals and aromantics in the single at heart community than the wider population, but they are far from even the majority! That is just so fascinating to me, and it demonstrates that dismantling amatonormativity and emphasizing all of these things that the aromantic community has been talking about as well for years really benefit so many people.
I also have to wonder if being single at heart isn't just a special kind of like stability or enlightenment or something. Here are these people who are so satisfied with themselves and love solitude and quiet. There is also evidence that the single at heart are less neurotic, more stable. It definitely seems like something to almost aspire to. Personally I relate a lot to the single at heart community, but I'm not completely single at heart. I am in a relationship, and we do live together, and I'm pretty happy that way. I do value my alone time, but I also like sharing the stupid little things I do all day with him. I certainly think I'd be fine being single, but I'm also happy as I am. That being said, it makes me think if I could be single at heart, or if I would get frustrated trying to exist in a world built around couples. And is it something that I could become? Or is it more innate? I'm not sure, and the research isn't really there yet either haha.
This is a great read, for anyone, not just the single at heart. Discrimination against single individuals is rampant in our society, and most people don't even realize that this is an issue because they are so okay with it. Step one to dismantling this is going to be to educate ourselves and everyone around us about singlism, and then working to make the world a better place for everyone to live as they would like.
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